Heyy everyone. This day I got a bit mixed feelings posting my latest output for all of you to read. I tried a little different approach this time focusing more on the writing experience and not bothering myself too much with the outcome, grammar and those sort of things. For my task this week, I chose to write a short story about my field. I came up with the topic quite shortly and my writing flowed pretty well. I can say that I am proud of my text but I find it quite personal, so at the same time I also feel uncertain to represent it to you. Normally I tend to write more like academic texts, such style that doesn’t reveal my true self, that I can hide behind it. Therefore, writing this kind of stream of consciousness scares me. It makes me feel vulnerable and I hate that feeling. But on the other hand, or maybe because of that, writing this text was good for me.
30-40 years from now, when I start writing a book about my lifework as a teacher, this is what I am hoping my “Chapter 1” would look like.
A deep breath slips through my lips. All I can see from behind my eyelids is just endless darkness. But I am not ready to open my eyes, not just yet. I’ll just keep them closed for a little while longer, and divert my attention to my other senses. I can hear the muffled hustle and bustle around me. I can sense the strained but yet expectant atmosphere that has filled the air in the room. I feel my hands clenching into fists and my heart beating like a lunatic. I hold my breath for a few seconds. “I can do this, I CAN do this”, I keep repeating to myself, quietly and uncertain about weather I believe it or not. But now is the time. I open my eyes and I see…
I see my dreams come true in front of me. I can finally see where all that hard work, sleepless nights and endless hours of studying have gotten me. I stand before my very first class at my very first day at work, and I realize that all that work has really paid off. Although, I really am nervous and unaware of what the future will bring to me, I am still immensely happy. Everything I have done over the past five years, has been for all of those little human beings, so that I could be the best possible teacher for them. And I am ready. “Good morning class! My name is Satu and I am your new teacher.”
As I close the door behind me after the day, I feel tired but proud. I knew it would be challenging. I never expected it to be easy, so I knew what to wait. And although I am fatigued, I still haven’t lost my excitement. As it takes, it certainly gives you back twice as much. But still the clearest thought at the top of my mind is that I have made it. I showed to all of those, who never stopped doubting me, that I can do it, I can be a damn good teacher. And I am so happy, I didn’t let anyone’s opinions determine me and my future. Even though I have had my own challenges along the way, it all has led me here. And now I am ready to face all the days to come.
ALMS hours spent (group + writing): 3,5h
ALMS hours remaining: 37,5