Part 10 The therapeutic frame of reference – the power of interaction

I drive about an hour to a worker’s summer cottage. I am on my way to the community’s three-day seminar on ’Developing parenthood’, where we will try to develop better self-understanding. There are six young people present, and four staff members, two of whom run the training.

We sit in an old storage shed and work in pairs. The work is based on transaction analysis, which is based on the central role of interaction in interpersonal communication.

Through this work, we aim to become aware of habitual patterns of feeling and acting, and to let go of old habits and destructive behaviour patterns.

Transaction analysis entails the philosophical idea of human beings as equals who have the capacity to change their behaviour, their thoughts, and the decisions they make.

The seminar proceeds through written assignments and individual goals, which are at first analysed in pairs, and if the author wishes, then also analysed together with others. The assignments guide us to consider positive and negative interaction, and the personal ways in which we have encountered these.

The young people are encouraged to think about the roles of parents or parent figures, the effects of these on their emotions and experiences, and the kind of agency they would like to realize in their lives. The youths make a contract with themselves, regarding things they especially want to change in their lives, what they are prepared to do to accomplish these changes, and in what kind of timeframe. With the help of exercises, we learn to verbalize our emotions and to develop deeper self-understanding, and to open up opportunities to act differently.

During the exercises, the workers comfort the youths and show compassion towards them. They hug and stroke the youths who need support. The workers tell the youths that each one of them is allowed to fail, to make mistakes, to be imperfect, and to ask for help. No one has to be alone, and everyone can do things together with others.

Shared experiences stir people to tears, but they also raise bursts of laughter. The atmosphere is indescribably warm and touching.

Inextricable parts of the seminar are also the breaks, the meals, the mushroom-picking expedition, complete with deer flies, and the evenings by the campfire, in the fading light. The youths have prepared the food in advance, and they take care of the service and the dishes in shifts, as agreed.  On departure day, everyone participated in cleaning up.

As an extra item in the programme, we had a ‘work bee’, which the youths appreciated. They felt it was important to be able to visit someone else’s cottage and to do something that was completely new to them. There was plenty to talk about, and the work went swimmingly.

The seminar ended with loving letters addressed to ourselves, read out loud. These evoked sympathy for ourselves, as well as for others. Crying, the youths sought comfort in the workers’ hugs. The workers’ way of being with them and sharing their own experiences seemed nothing short of exemplary.

After three days of intense togetherness, I wistfully said my goodbyes and headed on my homeward journey, gratitude and well-wishes lingering in my mind.

Literature sources:

Kehittyvä vanhemmuus –työkirja. Kalliolan Kannatusyhdistys. Kalliolan klinikat, Kisko. Vapaaopisto. (Monisteita, ei sivunumeroa, ei painettu, ei vuotta.) [The workbook  ”Developing parenthood”. Print-outs, unpublished, not dated]

Kuvernöörintien asumisyhteisön kansio. (Monisteita, ei painettu, ei vuotta) [The folder of the Kuvernöörintie residential community. Print-outs, unpublished, not dated.]